I knew it had been awhile since I updated, but didn't quite realize it had already been a year! I can't believe it's been 3 years since this all began! 3 years already. Wow. Thankfully the reason I hadn't really updated in awhile I suppose is because things had been going along very smooth...I was feeling really amazing. Really, the best I had felt in a long time. I had energy, my mental state was finally back to feeling pretty great both physically and mentally. I really felt like cancer had finally kind of taken a back seat and it felt amazing.
Then, I got the letter that my oncologist was leaving the clinic so I needed to find someone new. I just started looking for oncologists at my clinic that specialized in breast cancer, and strangely enough, my dad's oncologist came up. He has been a fierce, cancer warrior for 13 years and his doctor has been so incredible and helped him to conquer and beat so many obstacles, and defy many odds, so I thought it seemed like a great idea!
My new oncologist is wonderful. I truly feel like I am in the best care and it was all meant to be. But, it has been a complete and total shift from my previous oncologist. Their approaches are at two complete, opposite ends of the spectrum, so it really threw me for a loop. My first appointment with her was in late November. She advised that I switch course from the treatment I had been doing for the last 2 1/2 years, which was tough to hear. It made me question what I had been doing...had I been doing the right thing? Also, DAMN. :( I was finally feeling SO good. I didn't want anything to change. But after doing a bit of my own research, I do agree with her approach and felt like we had to give it a chance.
So...the hormonal roller coaster began. Ha. To get technical for those that are interested, I had been on a drug called Tamoxifen, which is a hormone blocker. My body still made estrogen, but this blocked it from getting into my cells, as my cancer is estrogen/progesterone fed. A lot of research shows that in someone my age, it really is best to stop the estrogen in my body all together, especially with a cancer as highly estrogen positive as mine. So after some thought, we began the road to the new plan. At the beginning of January, I had my first Zoladex injection. They inject a pellet (via the biggest needle I've seen haha) under my skin in my abdomen once a month, and this turns off my ovaries and stops them from making and releasing estrogen. This was getting my body ready to begin the new medicine called an aromatase inhibitor, I'll start with one called Letrozole. You have to be in menopause to take this medicine, which is why I need the shots.
This brings up a few things. For me, mentally, it's really, really hard to go to the cancer center every month. I honestly really struggle with it. It brings up a LOT of feelings, and it just makes it hard to ever seem to be able to put cancer in the back on my mind. Second, the shots really freaking hurt! Not that I can't handle it, but it's definitely not pleasant. Third, the side effects of this shot have been really tough. Basically, imagine the worst PMS day...and that's where I've been pretty much daily since January 4. :( Moody, weight gain that just won't seem to stop no matter what I do..I never knew there was an thing called hormonal belly?! Wtf?! Unfortunately removing estrogen from your body completely causes and increase in belly fat. Awesome. Then the bloating, headaches, dry skin, dry eyes, dry hair...it's been awesome. Not to forget the HOT FLASHES. Dear Lord...for someone who has always been cold, I completely underestimated these bad boys. It's a hot like I can't describe...like want to rip my clothes off of my body and jump in a MN lake in the winter, kind of hot. I seriously had NO idea just how much estrogen did in my body, until there was none!
So because I will be needing this for the next 5-10 years, my oncologist thought it would be best to just get a full hysterectomy. Get those ovaries out of my body so I won't have to do the shots anymore. The side effects unfortunately won't go away, because those are from having zero estrogen in my body...but she did seem to think I'll adjust faster to this new body this way, rather than the monthly shots. Since we're doing that much, we're just taking it ALLLLLL out...uterus, tubes, cervix...the works. I'm actually so relieved to be doing this. She did tell me that with my type of cancer, the uterus is another place it likes to go, so let’s just get it out. Plus, if this new med I will have to take is just too tough to handle, which is often is for many women, we can go back to the Tamoxifen, which I was doing really well on. That drug itself causes in increased risk of uterine cancer, so if I have to go back to that med, we will feel better about doing that if I just don't have a uterus. So on Thursday, April 21...we will be saying SO long to what's left of my lady parts. The tricky part is I can’t take any hormone replacement meds as the point is to get those hormones out of my body, so it will definitely be an adjustment for sure, and quite a bit of a hormone roller coaster for awhile I imagine.
Like I said, I'm very relieved to do this and actually excited to just get it done, but I won't lie and say it's not hard. All these physical and mental changes are tough. But, I praise God each day that we're done having kids and that wasn't taken from me, and my heart goes out to all of those women faced with this having to add that emotion to the mix. I can't even imagine. It makes the extra fluff around my middle, my dry, red eyes and my thinning hair seem like a very small price to pay.
So that's where things are. Another surgery on the books, but hopefully one that will set me on the path to a better outlook. I pray that the surgery and recovery all goes smoothly, and that I tolerate this new drug so that I'm able to take it for duration so that it can do the job of keeping this cancer away forever, because at the end of the day, that is the goal. Every single one of those awful side effects, nasty drugs, painful shots, and surgeries are completely worth it if it means I get to be here to see my kids grow up. That is really the bottom line right?! So there we are, my dad and I now share both a birthday AND an oncologist! How many people can say that right?!
For now, we’re headed to Ohio to spend the long weekend with my sweet niece Hayden, and Jeff and Kristen too! It will be great to take my mind off things, then back home and let’s get this done!! I hope my uterus enjoys its last road trip! 🤣
