The Day I Ran Out Of Soap

March 14 was day I ran out of soap...otherwise known as the day that my life as I have known it changed forever.  My husband Cullen loves pink Dove soap.  I teased him about it for quite awhile at the beginning of our marriage.  It smelled kind of like an old lady to me, and here is this big strong guy using pink soap.  But, it didn't take me long to realize it actually was quite moisturizing and convenient, and I shortly found myself using it as well. 😉

Fast forward through 13 1/2 years of marriage and using this pink soap, to March 14, when we were out.  Obviously, we've been out of soap before. But I do also have shower gel in there, and a loofah.  On this particular day, my loofah also wasn't in there.  I have 3 kids and sometimes that thing wanders away as well.  I was in a hurry so I did what we'd all do obviously and just squirted that shower gel right on my hand and used that.  Pretty much right away I felt it.  A small lump in my left breast that I hadn't noticed before.  Now I said I'll keep it real, my boobs are kind of lumpy. I'd always wondered if I'd know when I felt something off, and I did.  It was.  Then I became terrified thinking how long I'd just smoothed over this spot with my bar of soap and missed it.  I got out and tried to get ready for work and knew right away I couldn't. I knew I needed to go in. I called and got an appointment for 10:30.

I love my ob.  He's been with me for almost 12 years now, since my oldest daughter was born in 2007.  I got in with him, and he felt it too.  Though he was pretty optimistic, thinking it was likely a cyst, etc.  But to be safe, he scheduled an ultrasound and mammogram for me that afternoon.  I had some time to kill in between, so I got to head to the DMV to renew my license.  It really was an incredible day. ;) I went back for my mammogram at 1:30. I sat in the little room after that, waiting for someone for almost 45 torturous minutes.  Finally they came back and said we did need to do an ultrasound.  After the initial ultrasound with the nurse, they brought in the radiologist who showed me my lump on the screen. WAY, WAY less exciting than seeing a little baby in there, let me tell you.  His words were, "This is a worrisome spot." I"ll never forget it.  I started just shaking. They said they needed to biopsy.  At that point I text my husband Cullen, who had been asking all day if I wanted him there, and all day I'd told him I was fine.  But at this point, I needed him there.

They started the biopsy and were done before he even got there. It wasn't bad.  What was bad was laying there thinking about how my life was about to change. I tried to remain hopeful that it was nothing. I did.  But I knew.  These doctors and nurses see these things every single day. They know what they're looking at.  I even asked him after, that there was still a chance it could be fine.  He told me there is always a chance, but it's worrisome. I just knew then.

The doctor called the next day and confirmed what I already knew.  Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.  It felt like an out of body experience getting that call.  You really can't even put it into words. From then on, it's really been a whirlwind.  So many doctors, appointments, phone calls, and waiting.  That's the worst.  So here we are now, waiting to tackle this beast and win.  I have 3 babies and a husband here that need me and I will fight with every ounce I have to be here for them.  I refuse to let this win.  So here we go..the battle is on...and I've never been so thankful to have been out of Dove soap that day. 💗