Going On A Bear Hunt

No, I'm not actually planning on going hunting for bears or any other animal anytime soon..or ever, let's be real. While I do enjoy wearing a cute camo shirt or pants,  that's as far as my relationship with hunting goes.  But this old song from my days of teaching kindergarten has been stuck in my head for days now.  If you know it, the repetition part of it goes something like, "Can't go over it , Can't go over it, Can't go under it, Can't go under it, Can't go around it, Can't go around it, You've got to go through it, You've got to go through it."  I guess that's where I've been the past few days, as this mastectomy date is getting closer.  I've never wanted anything so awful, to get here so quickly.  This waiting has been excruciating.  At the same time, as it draws closer, it makes it so real. So, so real. But, the fact of it is, I can't go over it. I can't go under it. I can't go around it. The only way past it is through it, so let's get this flipping show on the road.

I've tried my very best to stay OFF the internet and Google, as that could really send a person down a dark path. But the other night, I allowed myself some time to research a bit about what to expect in my recovery from this first step.  I would be lying if I said that what I found didn't terrify me.  It sounds pretty awful, painful, etc.  The next morning, I focused on just exactly how many different things you use your chest muscles for, which turns out, is pretty much EVERYTHING.  But, I did find some helpful things and have ordered myself some pillows for under my arms, a special robe to hold my drains, some little pockets to stick in my clothing to hold drains, and a few new hoodies to keep me cozy, that zip up the front. I feel a little better about things, knowing I have some things that should hopefully make it easier.

I also had my pre-op appointment with my ob on Wednesday, and an appointment at a specialty store that sells mastectomy bras.  We went in a snowstorm (Yes, a snowstorm in APRIL) because these things needed to get done.  But, the lady helping me was so sweet. As she was fitting me, she was telling me about her oncologist and how wonderful he was when she went through her cancer and it turns out it is the same oncologist I will be seeing, so I'll take that as a good sign.  After I bared it all for this lady to see as well, and she got me all fitted, and my two super hot, new, zip up, white cotton mastectomy recovery bras and I were out.

We are going to try really hard to enjoy this weekend together before things get real next week, and I say so long to these boobs of mine.  While I want this surgery over with more than anything, and to get this tumor OUT of my body, it will also give us the answers we've been waiting on for nearly 5 weeks, as to what exactly the next steps will be.  All that will depend upon what they find during surgery.  They will be removing lymph nodes as well.  Please keep us in your prayers, specifically that we get good news after the surgery, that this cancer is all contained to my breasts, and nowhere else in my body.  That is what I'm praying for more than anything.