Highs and Lows

I was feeling so great about that appointment on Wednesday. It was the best I had felt in a week. I was feeling positive, confident and optimistic. Then, on Thursday morning  my phone rang. I’m beginning to learn this is how it goes, the ups and the downs.  How a phone call can make a break a day.  It was my doctor and she was calling to let me know that the biopsy came back and the cells were not only positive for being precancerous, it appeared to be another tumor. My stomach sank. All good thoughts were gone and the sick feeling was back. Freaking awful. Seriously, it’s crazy how that can happen in an instant. I didn’t really have much time to process and I had a classroom full of fifth graders waiting for me, so the call was short. She did try to reassure me it was still okay and this didn’t really change anything yet, other than it made the decision to have the mastectomy easy. We really won’t know anything for certain until surgery. But in my mind, I went to the worst place. It’s so easy to say stay positive, until you’ve been through something like this where your first thought in the morning is a stomach sinking thought, and the last thought of the day is the same. I’m a super positive person by nature and I’m trying, I really am, and I am most of the time I think. But this felt like a huge blow and it was just really freaking hard to stay positive. From the highest high, back to the terrified lowest  low...all in a phone call. This is the reality of cancer I guess, and it really $&*#^£* sucks.