Wednesday, April 17, 2019

The Day is Here

Well this is it.  Tomorrow is the day. I am so anxious to just get this over with, it can't get here soon enough.  Please pray bold prayers that surgery goes well, and most importantly that this cancer is all contained to my breast.  We are praying for the best possible news.  I feel good about things right now. I really do. It's amazing what a week can do. I was in a bad place last week. I really was.  I was terrified, and had let my mind go to the worst places.  5 weeks is a long time to wait for answers and for this next step.  It's so easy to let your mind think of all the awful things. I have definitely done that.  But since Sunday, I've really felt a sense of peace.  I know a large part of that is the support, prayers and love from all of you.

Cullen and I went to a group through Hosanna Church called Pray for the Cure on Monday night, and it moved us beyond.  The peace and comfort it brought was hard to put into words.  Again, when I checked into this, after hearing the sermon on Sunday, it turns out they meet the 3rd Monday of each month, which "coincidentally" was Monday. I don't think it was a coincidence that this took place the week of my surgery, and that our schedules were clear to allow us to go.  I'll share more about that another time, as we definitely plan to go again.

But the support...I have been overwhelmed in the most wonderful way by the support from my family, friends, coworkers, students, families, etc.  I feel it. I do.  Today when I walked into school, I started to notice my coworkers wearing camouflage.  It turns out, they dressed to "Go on a Bear Hunt" with me. I love it.  Then, they had the most beautiful cake with a perfect message, for me at lunch.  (This was balanced out by some awesome boob cupcakes my sweet friend Amy brought over for me after school! They were equally as awesome and the kids thought it was pretty funny!)  I had more heartfelt cards and notes from kids, hugs, and well wishes.  At the end of the day, my boss and some coworkers said the most beautiful prayers over me.  Remember when I shared about timing? Yeah, I'm most definitely in the right place to be going through this.  I know I am.  I also had a special little student dressed head to toe in pink for me today.  I've mentioned I have the MOST compassionate group of students this year.  They are amazingly kind and insightful.  When this group of kids was in first grade, one of their classmates was diagnosed with Ewings Sarcoma, and he has been through more than you could imagine.   He is tougher than you should have to be in fifth grade.  Then in second grade, they had another classmate diagnosed with another rare form of cancer.  He too is a warrior.  These boys have been through more than they should have to have ever gone through in their young lives.  They have been through surgeries, aggressive treatments, pain and so much more.  They both have huge hearts and wise souls.

Their classmates have been right there supporting them over the years.  They are both in my class this year.  Today, I asked these two little guys for any words of wisdom or advice.  One of them told me, "Try not to worry."  The other one said, "Believe."  I told you they were wise.  I told them if I can battle this with half of the strength and courage they've shown over the years, I'll be good.  We snapped a photo this afternoon.  They really are a huge inspiration for me.  This is a special bunch y'all.  I'm going to miss all of these kids like CRAZY the next few weeks.  People keep telling me to just take the rest of the year off.  But what some may not understand is that I LOVE my job.   I LOVE it.  I love getting to go to work with my coworkers  and these kids each day. It is truly a blessing, and I believe getting back to it will help me to get well.  I'm going to hope with everything that I get to get back to them before the end of the year.

So with that, this is the last blog I'll write with these boobs on my chest! ;) Tomorrow is the day. I'm heading up to go snuggle my kids, squeeze them tight, say lots of prayers, and get this show on the road tomorrow.  Surgery is supposed to start around 11 and should be about 4 hours.   This verse was shared with me today by two separate people.  It's perfect.

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10.

Thanks to ALL of you for your support and love. I feel it. I really do. Please say some extra prayers tomorrow again, for a smooth surgery and the cancer is all contained to my breast and hasn't spread.  Thank you so much.

My fave little cancer warriors

My awesome coworkers in their camo for our bear hunt - "Can't go over it, can't go under it, got to go through it."

The sweet cake made by my coworker Anne

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