The actual chemo day wasn't too bad. I made it to my girls' ball that night, and even the next morning I joined Harps at school. Then I got CRAZY exhausted. Like the most tired you can imagine. It's hard to explain. The sucky part, you'd think being that tired, I'd just sleep all day, but I couldn't really sleep. It was hard. I couldn't get comfortable. I had to get a Neulasta injection the day after, which basically kicks my bone marrow into overdrive to make more white blood cells, but it comes with crazy bone and join pain. Cullen and the kids would try to hug me, and for a couple days, it just really hurt to be touched. I did learn you can take Claritin and that helps, and I think it definitely did take the edge off. It wasn't debilitating or anything, just super annoying and uncomfortable. That only lasted a couple days though. As far as nausea, they gave me some pills for that, and I took the wise advice of the lady next to me at chemo. She said just take them every 6 hours and stay on top of it, rather than waiting to get sick and playing catch up. I did that, and the nausea was really manageable. From Thursday-Sunday was pretty tough. I just didn't feel good, and was super tired. I did find I needed to get out of the house though a little each day or I was easily headed to that dark place, that is no good, being sad and feeling sorry for myself. It really helped to get out. We just did quick things. My parents took me to dinner Friday night while Cullen had the kids. Saturday Cullen and I went out to dinner while my parents had the kids overnight, and Sunday Cullen and I went to church. I had to sit down 3 times in church during music, but I was there and it felt so good. I was missing my kids though. We just kind of tried to keep them busy, and away from me for those most part for those tough days. I think it was best for them not to see me at my worst those days. I just didn't know what to expect, and hated them to see me feeing so crappy. I would say by Sunday night I was feeling quite a bit better and some energy was coming back and my babies were back with me, which helped too. By Monday, I was feeling pretty good, other than the thing that had been causing me the most trouble since even a few days before chemo, which was my back. We went out to get flowers and I went to Beckett's first night of t-ball. I was feeing okay, other than this back pain. At ball, my back started spasming like crazy. It got worse as the evening went on. My about 8:30 I was in, quite possibly, the worst pain of my life. I dare say it was worse than labor. In fact, I thought maybe I was having kidney stones or something. I called my oncologist, and of ALL the oncologists with MN Oncology that could've been on call that night, it was my doctor. Another God moment..I think so. I really needed to hear from him that it was crazy to think the cancer had spread to my bones and was in my back. But, that is where my head was. It's such a mind trip. He reassured me that he has absolutely had no reason to believe that, given all we know about the pathology of my tumor, etc. But, he did say to go on in and get checked out. So off we went to the emergency room.
Positive of cancer...no waiting at the ER! I got right in, taken right back and tended to immediately. I don't know if it was the cancer, or the amount of pain I was in, but either way, I'll take it! ;) If you remember, I don't do pain meds. They make me super sick. I managed 2 c-sections and a double mastectomy without any, but they told me I should try some, and I didn't fight it. I was hesitant but the pain was unbearable. They did a super, super slow drip of morphine and that helped immensely. Then they gave me a valium. After those two things, I was feeling better. I could feel the spasms still, but it definitely too the edge of. My urine sample and blood test came back fine for kidney stones, but I think he could see I was still uneasy about not doing the ct scan, just to be sure there wasn't anything going on back there. I told him my oncologist said to do it, and he said we could so they did that. Thanks GOD it all came back okay, with no signs of anything going on back there. They said it was likely muscular, which totally makes sense. For 6 weeks, I had been sleeping super stiff, on my back, propped up. I think all the pressure finally hit it's point on my lower back. I've since met with my physical therapist for lymphedema prevention and told her about this and she agreed as well, and worked on my back a bit and it felt amazing. But that Monday night, they sent me home with hydrocodone and another super strong muscle relaxer. I took them, as I seemed to handle the other stuff okay, and was still in some pain.
On Tuesday morning I woke up and felt out of my mind. My head was fuzzy, I had a headache, my ears were muffled and I was sick to my stomach. I basically threw up all day. I was so sad. It was the worst I've felt so far AND I was missing school, and I was so ready to get back for the last days. It was awful. By Tuesday night at about 6:00, I was finally able to keep some food down, and started feeling better and my back felt okay. I fell asleep at about 9:00 and actually slept all night for the first time in days. On Wednesday morning I woke up and I couldn't believe it. I felt GOOD! I text my sub Joan (another post about her coming soon..she has been the biggest blessing during this spring) and told her I felt GOOD and was planning on making it to school for the last day! I told her she should still come, in case I needed to leave, but I was going to be there! I MADE IT!!! It was the absolute best feeling to be able to be there for that last day with my kids. Since Wednesday of last week, I'd say for the most part, I feel "almost normal" and more like myself each day. I'm okay. I have energy to play with my kids, drive them to wear they need to be, pick up my house, get to their ball games. I'm okay. My motto this summer is if I feel good, we're doing it! I was even able go on the boat cruise on Lake Minnetonka with Cullen's school on Friday and out with friends after, help my sister and Aaron move into their beautiful new home on the lake on Saturday, and make it up to our niece's birthday party on Sunday! It was so great, and felt so good to do things like I normally would. It was also so good for my kids to see me being and feeling normal. I feel so noncommittal to any sort of plans this summer, which is hard. Everything is just tentative on how I'm feeling. But I've heard things tend to go about the same from one round to the next, so it's nice to know kind of what to expect and be able to plan a bit. I've even scheduled some photo sessions, which I'm super excited about, as I wasn't sure how that would go this summer and I can't imagine a summer without any. I just love doing them!
So I'm super curious to see what the next round brings. I think much of my discomfort those first few days was my back pain, which I'm hoping was just sucky timing, and that I won't have it this time. I also think the reason I got SO sick that Tuesday was all the pain meds. I just can't handle them, and I had SO many that night. I'm hoping it was that and not a delayed chemo reaction, but we will see. I keep trying to tell myself, even if it's all the same, it was one super sucky week..and then two pretty normal weeks. I can do that. It isn't fun, but I can do it. Mama strong right?!
The hair...it's hanging in there! I keep waiting for a big shed to start. Yesterday was Day 14 and that typically is when they say you see that start. I brush it frequently, as you're supposed to, to avoid matting, and I inspect that brush like a crazy person! I'm trying to be realistic in that I will likely lose some hair, and I'm just trying to mentally prepare myself fort when that happens, but I know it will still be hard. Though from what I hear, most people that have gone through this say you're really the only one who notices, as it feels different, more than looks different. But, if you see me this summer, I'm really trying to stick to the rules of no heat and styling so I'm looking a hot mess..but whatevs right?! Small price to pay.
So that's pretty much that. It was doable..not fun, but doable. The fact that one round is done and I know what to expect is such a relief. That unknown is the worst, and unfortunately with cancer there is so dang much unknown and it definitely is the hardest part. Round 2 is Wednesday next week already. My attitude right now is let's get this show on the road. The sooner we do it, the sooner it's done. I can do this.
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