What Makes A Woman?

What makes a woman? Clearly it's more than boobs and hair..but let's just chat about this a moment.  When I met with the lady at the wig store the other day, she said something that I've been thinking so much about.  She is a breast cancer survivor as well, and as I was sitting their crying my little eyes out, she said that while she was going through her battle, her oncologist told her something.  Cancer is a nasty beast.  It is ALL nasty.   ALL OF IT.  It is cruel and unforgiving.  Yet what makes breast cancer uniquely nasty in it's own way, is that it is such an assault on a woman's femininity.  This has stuck with me.  It is so, so true.  Those things that outwardly seem to define us as women...breasts, hair, weight...things we place so much value on and emphasis on what makes us a "beautiful woman" are all just assaulted.   Of course we can all say that as woman we are obviously so much more than that, and we are. We are moms, daughters, friends, sisters, warriors, teachers..the list goes on and on.  Clearly, we are SO much more than boobs, hair and a body.  But, if I'm being honest with myself, and I think many of you could agree right there with me, I do worry way too much about what I look like..my hair, my body, my weight, all of those things that supposedly define me, and that make me deem myself a "beautiful woman."

My dark roots start to show, I highlight my hair.  I start to put on some extra weight, I kick up the workouts or pay better attention to my eating.  I try to choose clothes that make me look thin, or show off the areas I want to emphasize.  The curves the breasts give the body of a woman.  All of these things I know I valued way more than I should.  That may make me sound shallow or vain, but I'm being real and I bet many of you are right there with me.  It's just the truth.   I challenge you to just think for a moment about how you would feel, faced with losing these parts of your identity as a woman.  It's breathtakingly difficult, and I think if anyone would say it isn't, you might not be being honest with yourself either.

The mastectomy took my boobs.  The medicine to fight the cancer is taking my hair. The steroids and the chemo are actually making me gain weight just because, so for someone that has battled food and body issues for much of my life, having no control over this is very, very hard.  So many people have said to me, "It's just hair" or "They're just boobs, you will get new ones!" If you've said this to me, or anyone else going through something like this, I know you mean well. I've probably said the same thing to someone.  Please don't feel the need to apologize for saying this.  I so appreciate the thought behind it.  I know how well intentioned it was, and I've probably joked about it myself.   But you guys, it is SO much more than hair.  It is SO much more than boobs.  When she said to me, "It's an assault on a women's femininity" it just struck a chord. It is so, so hard. I'm so blessed to have a husband, family and friends that I know love me all the same whether I'm bald, boobless, bigger, smaller, it doesn't matter.  But it doesn't take away the enormous difficulty of this part of the disease. It is HARD guys.  It's also so much more than just worrying about what I look like.  I'm really kind of getting past that.  It just goes so much deeper than that.

I shared these thoughts with my friend Jill this morning when she sent me a message and asked how I was doing emotionally...loaded question...ask carefully because if you catch me at the wrong moment...you get a rant like this lol! ;)  She shared some wise words back with me, and I hope she won't mind that I share with you as well, because I think she has a great challenge for all of us.  She said that while yes,  we are so much more than those things - those are the outward, visible things that define us as women.  They just are.  But, clearly who we truly are as women comes from within. So what can we do to spotlight and really focus on who we are?  Thinking about all of the hair, the makeup, the clothes, etc.  We put so much effort into that.  At least I know I do.   Are we putting as much effort into working on our inner beauty...like REALLY working on it?  It really made me think as well, and I challenge you all to think about this too.  Thanks for sharing these thoughts Jill.

For now, I'm trying my best to stay laser focused on the fact that despite all the havoc this nasty medicine is creating both inwardly and outwardly in my body right now, it is also working to destroy any nasty cancer in my body and hopefully protect my body from it ever returning.  THAT is the most important thing.  Because while I do miss my boobs, and the hair coming out in clumps is alarming, and the tighter pants and swelling face are definitely no fun to accept..at the end of the day my goal is to be here for my kids and my family, so I'm going to summon all of my inner badassedness (Yes, I made up this word, and no worries..I will not be adding it to my 5th grade vocab list this fall) to continue to battle this beast with all that I have. But, I do hope this has challenged you to think just a little bit about who you REALLY are as a woman, because I know we are all BADASS woman....no matter what kind of boobs, hair, body, skin, etc. that we all have, because really we are all SO MUCH MORE than that.  That is what I want my girls to see and those are the woman I want them to grow to become.


**Side note..my friend Jill who shared these thoughts with me, is also the mama of a very special student I had this year.  Griffin is a cancer warrior.  He has battled and he has prevailed.  He is incredibly strong.  He is brave, he is smart, he is kind, he is athletic...the list goes on and on.  But right now he is also scared.   He has some huge scans coming up on Monday so I know he and his family would appreciate any extra prayers you can send their way for peace this weekend as the worry of those scans can is beyond overwhelming.  I hate that any 12 year old has to endure this worry and fear. Also, please pray for NO CANCER to show up in any of those scans so he can get back to baseball, summer, and just being 12.